soda_raison (soda_raison) wrote in anticutting,
soda_raison
soda_raison
anticutting

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Are you sure?

I've been reading a lot of the posts in this community.

I don't understand.

Maybe it's because I never went to a high school where this was trendy or maybe it's because I never even knew another 'cutter'. Yep, I used to do it but who cares about that story. I was an idiot and now I have scars for the rest of my life but, I did something that is supposed to be odd. When I was in college I was still cutting myself, now i know it's a stupid way to behave but back then I seriously thought there was nothing wrong with it. I knew most people didn't do it but I couldn't tell the difference between my slicing my arms and legs up and someone eh, even lighting up a cigarette, driving too fast or drinking. I thought I had no reason to be ashamed since most people don't find shame in a lot of idiot things they do so I stopped hiding it. I stopped caring what people thought of me.

Now, I know that wasn't for attention because I never got any attention for it. I was 18, away from home, I had no college friends and no one attending my lectures was going to say anything. I was just sick of caring what people thought. I was so sick of caring what people thought that I was going to wear a t-shirt if I felt like it and stop hiding. Wait, there was this one guy who asked me if it was real but I didn't understand why he asked his question, as if someone would make up their arm like that with hollywood make up and laughed at him.

Well, back then I didn't realise people do this to be 'cool' and maybe it is just a high school thing when it becomes an attention act because after the age of 18 no one can do anything. I started seeing a psycho doctor a few years later. He couldn't commit me for it and when I abruptly quit 'treatment' neither him nor my therapist who I quit seeing as well could do anything when a known 'cutter' was on the loose.

So, are you really sure that every single 'real cutter' is going to do everything in their power to hide it?

I chose to stop being ashamed of it and eventually chose to stop doing it but never am I wearing a t-shirt to make people feel sorry for me. I just can't be bothered to let someone make me feel ashamed for something I was doing.

I'm really having trouble believing that people do this for an image but, the idiot trends don't suprise me much anymore. I never thought that the depth or the amount of cuts mattered though. For the first year I did it, I never even thought of using anything other than a thumb tack. It wasn't until later I found out that exacto knives might just be what I was looking for. I wish I hadn't well no shit eh. But, how the hell can anyone tell the difference between a 'real cutter' and someone who's doing it to be 'cool'. Fuck, if I could have told someone right away when I started I would have and probably would have. Hell, I know when I first did it I was confused and needed the attention I would have got had I acted like these kids you guys make fun of. I don't get it. Perhaps I'm too out of touch with today.

Cutting sucks.
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i think the idea that most 'real cutters' hide it comes from assuming that they all would have low self esteem and then would be ashamed of it. that most of them would be in a state of denial about it.

but at the same time, low self esteem could also lead to not being ashamed of it the way you weren't.

for me, it would take a lot to come to terms with the problem. hard to accept it and therefore hard to let anyone know about it.

if no one knows-- problem solved. it might as well not be there.
not true.all 5 times ive relapsed i didnt tell anyone but i knew what i was doing.

i knew it was wrong but when something went horribly wrong like always,id slip into this 'world' were it wasnt wrong n i didnt see any harm in it.n when i came out of the world i realized wa i had done but i wasnt ashamed.

i hid it because my family was already going threw hell n i didnt want to cause them anymore problems or to worry or for them to feel sry for me.i hate pitty -_-.
Yeah, I don't understand how cutting makes someone look cool. I mean honestly from what I've seen when most people find out someone else cuts they think they're insane, overly depressed, or seeking attention. I don't think I have ever gotten the reaction 'whoa you cut yourself that's so cool'. But the world is so screwed up today that maybe that's how high school kids think now? I honestly don't know. With society today and all the broken homes and broken families and kids doing ANYTHING for 5 seconds of attention positive or negative... not much surprises me. When I was in high school it wasn't cool. This community is very intriguing...

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boffins?

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I knew most people didn't do it but I couldn't tell the difference between my slicing my arms and legs up and someone eh, even lighting up a cigarette, driving too fast or drinking.

There's a difference? Well, sure there are differences, but I'm not sure that the latter things are better, just more socially acceptable. They are still self-destructive behaviours, and some people might describe them as "stupid".

Indeed, the comparison to smoking is very relevant when it comes to the issue of doing it to be "cool". It's very common for teenagers to smoke to be "cool", just like they do for a lot of other things, but it's clear that in general, people smoke for other reasons. My experience is that self-injury follows a similar pattern.

So, are you really sure that every single 'real cutter' is going to do everything in their power to hide it?

Not sure I understood quite what you are saying, but note that "not doing everything to hide it" doesn't imply trying to show it off, doing it for attention or to be cool - it may just means they don't want to have to hide it all the time (eg, wearing long sleeves).

I never thought that the depth or the amount of cuts mattered though. For the first year I did it, I never even thought of using anything other than a thumb tack.

For me I often have a feeling that I ought to go deeper. I realise that this is not at all a healthy or rational thought process - but I don't feel that this is connected to a feeling of doing it to be cool, since it exists even if I am not paying attention to anyone else's scars. Of course, when you have self-injurers who know each other, this feeling can easily leave to competitiveness, which creates the image of people doing it to be cool, but I feel that there is something deeper to blame here.

But, how the hell can anyone tell the difference between a 'real cutter' and someone who's doing it to be 'cool'. Fuck, if I could have told someone right away when I started I would have and probably would have. Hell, I know when I first did it I was confused and needed the attention I would have got had I acted like these kids you guys make fun of. I don't get it.

I agree entirely. Indeed, people who cut purely as a fashion aren't "self-injurers" at all; that's something like body modification (and nor is there anything wrong with that). I sometimes suspect that a lot of self-injurers who are accused of doing it to be cool are rather those people who don't hide it and know others who do it (if you see a group of people all with scars, it's easy to jump to an unfair conclusion), and are perhaps influenced by a desire to be competitive about it.

And even out of those who may use it to get attention, I do not see why that is ridiculed. I mean, if someone needs to injure their own body just for a bit of attention, isn't that itself a rather big sign that they are in need of some help.
'And even out of those who may use it to get attention, I do not see why that is ridiculed. I mean, if someone needs to injure their own body just for a bit of attention, isn't that itself a rather big sign that they are in need of some help.'

Yes. There is no such thing as real cutters. ALL do it for attention. The person who started this post said there was no one around to get attention from... that's probably what drove you even more. There was no one to get attention from, but you desperately needed attention.
what about cutters who don't tell anyone? don't get confused and retarded thinking i'm defending myself from attention seeking accusations. i'm just saying that there is release of mental tensions when someone cuts. it's like chopping off your leg 'cause you got a paper cut though, but i mean, if you cut off your leg you'd forget all about your paper cut. one could talk about the endorphin release as well. not all 'cutters' do it solely for attention seeking purposes.
I dunno... the only place I ever cut was on my stomach, to make absolutely certain that no one would find out.
It's okay to want attention you know...
I did want attention, but I really don't think that cutting was my means of gaining that attention. Cutting was more about releasing my feelings.
I know what cutting does, I used to self-harm.

It is always attention seeking based. You would have told someone if you thought they would understand or be able to help, but simce you haven't, it's probably cause you dont't have anyone who would understand or help, therefore that is what you are crying out for.
I'll agree to disagree.
i think ill disagree as well... im 31 and have never told anyone who knows me about my cutting.. i dont derive attention from it and am in fact pretty comfortable with the fact that i do it. i find no reason to defend my position on SI except to say that as for my cutting... its definately not "attention-based".........